mid year drama

Selasa, 11 Juli 2017
July 5th 2017
The result of the first semester is out today. I passed, that’s all that matter. Most of the courses I took has satisfying result, but one course result is quite disappointing. It is not that I am sad because I get bad grade, I am sad because I like the professor who teaches that course, and getting low grade for his course makes me feel like I disappoint him. Well, it’s not that he knows me and he knows I like him, and it’s not that he cares about this. But I like him and I want him to be my supervisor. I know he will still happily help me if I ask, I’m just having my confidence crumbled down right now. And the bitterest part is, I knew I could do better. But I was sooo tired on that deadline day, like dog tired. I still had some more time to fix that final assignment, but really, I had reached my limit. I couldn’t use my brain anymore. It had freeze for several times and I felt like throwing up if I force myself to stay in front of the computer and write more paragraph. So I submitted that assignment I half-assedly wrote, then now, I am filled with guilt and regret.
But still, all that matters is I pass every course. I spare myself some sanity and move on to the second semester.

Now, about second semester. I am taking the plant physiology course. Well, this is a mixed feeling of excitement and anxiety, actually. We need to understand basic chemistry to understand photosynthesis. And I suck on this subject. Biology is a little bit better. And I always loved that subject. I was thinking about taking “easier” course, but I only have to options for the compulsory courses, which are the plant physiology and water and land resource management. This water and land resources management require basic knowledge in calculus, physics, and math. So yeah, it’s a bye for me. My chemistry grade in high was barely pass, while math and physics was total nightmare. Let me tell you, math and physics are my worst fear during my high school year. I did all I could to avoid it during my undergrad, and I’ll keep doing so.
So, yeah. I need to prepare myself for the next challenge now.