keep looking, be fair!

Minggu, 02 Agustus 2015


You might get shocked and despise me if i admit that i got excited when the Supreme Court of United States legalise gay marriage nationwide.  In facts, i was excited. But it’s not for the reason that i will utilize the law, but the mere curiousity about  how people would react. It’s exciting to see the arguments in internet. I was expecting that this will be on the newsfeed of my facebook, but well, it seems like my circle isn’t that familiar with this issue. People mostly share the link to Islam laws articles, inspiring stories, critics to government, stuff like that. The only post related to the gay marriage is one of the debater fellow who change her facebook pictures with the rainbow-colored filter. 

The thing is, LGBT is one of the very basic issue in debate and i think it is safe for me to say that i am pretty familiar with this. It leads to the result that I am not againts gay marriage. I don’t make any comment in social media except for a post in Path with picture of rainbow-colored White House and neutral impression. I decided to write here instead.

My understanding about gay is that they are just like other people: various. You can’t give one title for all of them, so it is very possible to despise one gay and support other gay. Just like “normal” people in common, gays are vary from nice gay, annoying gay, inspirational gay, pathetic gay, cute and lovely gay, a gay that deserve a slap, a gay that deserve a kiss, a gay that deserve a special place in hell, a gay that you hope God will forgive his soul, a gay that is so funny, a religious gay, a narrow minded gay, farmer gay, doctor gay, gay who want to be straight, gay who whant to convert other to become gay too, gay who likes babies, gay who likes churros, gay that looks like a cat, gays with amazing racing skill, and so on bla bla bla...

The question is, which one do you see first? Is it how they address themselves as gay or the quality within them? Oh, of course it’s their sexual orientation first, those who say otherwise are lying! (okay, i am being annoyingly impulsive here, ignore it, ignore it). i do, too. When someone say that someone is gay, i naturally have different judgement to them. I tried to imagine how that person wake up in the morning, getting dressed, and start his/her day. Only after several moments, i move on to “judge” their other quality which eventually lead me to a conclusion that he is one of the gay i mentioned above. My starting point may look like a conservative judgemental sexist but at the end of the day, i can assure you that i will always put your sexual orientation aside and look deeper into yourself. 

So, am i wrong for doing so? For having a narrow and subjective starting point in judging people? I believe it’s not, in fact, it is completely normal. I think it is normal if i start my assessment to gay people in different line with straight people. Because based on my understanding, gay people are different from straight people in fundamental stuff. Sounds okay and normal, eh? Yes, it does! I then proceed to the second stage to see other quality of that person, like is he nice? Is he hardworking? Is he generous and friendly? Or is he evil? Is he selfish? Is he a criminal mastermind? At this point, i start to “judge” a gay as a good gays or an a**hole gays. Still sounds okay, right? Sure, it does!
The thing is, a lot of people stop at the first stage, that they don’t want to assess people further for this point. It’s like all good thing from someone is voided because of their sexual oerientation, and they’re becoming even more evil and disgusting if they are bad. It’s a pity, right?

I got this idea from a video in ted.com. a speech by Yassmin Abdel-Magied: “what does my headsraft mean to you?” Yasmin talked about how some people in society have narrow perception about Muslim woman’s, and i think this idea also works on gay people. We can't stop judging people in the first stage, it's unfair. We have to look beyond our initial perceptions, and open doors to new ways of supporting others. you can watch the video here.